Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
