hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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