Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
