At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
