So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
