he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
