There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
