im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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