Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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