Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
