Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
