Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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