Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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