Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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