life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
