after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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