I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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