They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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