just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
