but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
