No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
