Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
