I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
