very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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