she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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