you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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