Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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