he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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