Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
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cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
They left me at home... I'm a liability
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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