Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You're so nebulous sometimes
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
