just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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