you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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