You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
