Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
