fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
