We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
