I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I faked an abortion last night.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
