So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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