i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
