I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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