it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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