broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
