I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
im six kinds of drunk right now
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
