Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
