Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
