we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
