Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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