yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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