dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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