i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
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Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
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I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
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