i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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