I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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