Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
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I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
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Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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