Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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