i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
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I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
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He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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