I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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