I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
