alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
