This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
