There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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