I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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