Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
