What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
