Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
