You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
