I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
