he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
