We got so high we made milksteak
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
