My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You have to summon your inner elephant
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
