i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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