Dude my mom stole all your condoms
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
