Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
