I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
