I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
