theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
