life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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