addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
