Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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