saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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