i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
