Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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