I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
