ugly people sure do ruin things
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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