My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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