Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
