I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
